True Crimes Against Wine

Ever wonder what people mean when they say it was a "good year" for wine? Judge Topher breaks it down and gives tips for finding the perfect vintage.

DEFENDANT: Portlandia

EVIDENCE: Portlandia Pinot Noir 2021

SCENE OF THE CRIME: Willamette Valley, OR

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With Fact Checker calling out of work again, our Judges lament the typo in his contract allowing for a Non-Complete Clause. Then they proceed to pull a bank heist, win the lottery, and meet Santa. Don't believe us? Just ask Fact Checker, who wasn't there due his stupid Non-Complete Clause.

Who invented wine? Where did it come from? And how did it make it to our tables today? Judge Topher presents a brief history of wine.

DEFENDANT: Queen Victoria
EVIDENCE: Empress 1908 London Dry Gin
SCENE OF THE CRIME: Victoria, BC, Canada
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In this jewel-toned trial, our Judges conclude their royal series by hearing the case of the grandmother of Europe. Curious Victorian customs come into question, and Rachel amps up the difficulty of her cross examination, much to Topher's dismay.

What is aeration? Does it really make a difference? And should you spend your money on it? Judge Topher answers all these questions and gives advice to help you avoid some common pitfalls.

DEFENDANTS: The Duke and Duchess of Sussex, aka Harry and Meghan

EVIDENCE: Diatom Chardonnay 2021

SCENE OF THE CRIME: Sta Rita Hills, CA

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Back by popular demand! In the second part of this riveting court case, Judges Topher and Rachel zero in on the evidence and rumors surrounding the most famous royal expats. Intimate details of H&M's sex life are allegedly revealed, and rest assured that genitalia IS discussed...

DEFENDANT: The Windsors

EVIDENCE: Moet Chandon, 2020

SCENE OF THE CRIME: The globe, if you study Colonialism...

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Our Judges hop across the pond to hear their most prestigious case to date. From tackling nongendered titles to dismantling toxic allegiances, Topher and Rachel are dedicated to hard hits and hot takes. No Corgis were harmed in this trial.

Our Judges discuss the glory that is the movie, The Menu. Rachel tries to keep things sane as Topher grows increasingly manic with each course. Yet another personal connection is revealed...

DEFENDANT: Zac Brown

EVIDENCE: Z Alexander Brown "Uncaged" Cabernet Sauvignon

SCENE OF THE CRIME: California Coast

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Our Judges board a pontoon to try their latest case, in which the accused hits a bit close to home. Judge Topher blindly navigates a poetry based cross examination while Rachel has lurid details of her intimate life revealed.

 

Judge Rachel delves into the allegations that Tom Hanks let Ginnifer Goodwin play with his Woody doll.