True Crimes Against Wine

CASE 0508: Happy Holidays! Hope You Find Your Dad!

DEFENDANT: Buddy the Elf

EVIDENCE: Manos Wines Special Edition "Elf" Prosecco

SCENE OF THE CRIME: From the North Pole all the way to Manhattan and back again! 

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Hey — glad you made it to our cozy chaos. This episode is basically two things: a heavy pour of festive Prosecco (shoutout to the blingy Manos bottle) and a full-on, goofy love letter to Elf — plus the ridiculous trivia and fan theories that make holiday movies feel like family. We talk traditions, awkward childhood rituals, terrible gift-control impulses, and why some of our favorite seasonal things still hit like warm nostalgia.

 

We nerd out about Elf like it’s evidence in a case: Jon Favreau’s direction, Will Ferrell’s enormous golden-retriever energy, Zooey Deschanel’s surprise musical cameo, James Caan’s grumpy-dad groove, and even that weird Central Park ranger theory that adds a darker layer if you let it. There are shower scenes, department store mayhem, real-life crowd reactions caught on film, and a few production easter eggs (Wanda name tags and stop-motion nods) that are delightfully silly.

 

Also: yes, we taste the Prosecco. It’s festive, metallic, and exactly what you want for toasts — light, apple-y, and not too sweet. We compare it to champagne, Cava, and whatever else you line up on a party table while you argue whether donut holes count as zero calories and whether sparkling wine and popcorn are an acceptable holiday combo. (They are.)

 

We get real about the season, too. If you’re feeling pressure to show up for people who drain you, hear us: you don’t have to. Treat holiday plans like a dinner party you actually want to attend. Set boundaries, keep what’s meaningful, and let the rest go. If all else fails, borrow Buddy the Elf’s wide-eyed wonder for a few minutes — it’s the best kind of permission slip to feel joy again.

 

So pour yourself something fizzy, fold a little ridiculousness into your traditions, and enjoy the stories — goofy, tender, and truer than you might expect. From our cramped, sparkly loft to wherever you’re nesting this season: happy holidays, however you celebrate. Cheers.

Sidebar Ep.130: Honeymoon Hiccups & Highland Magic

Join Judge Rachel and Topher as they relive a delightfully chaotic honeymoon in Edinburgh — from a misbooked Highlands tour that turned into an unexpected adventure, to candlelit luxury at The Witchery and a surprise Muppet Christmas Carol live orchestra. This episode is full of humor, heartfelt moments, and travel mishaps (yes, a bus mix-up that might have saved their lives). If you love stories about how travel plans go sideways and still manage to become the best memories, you'll feel like you're right there with them sipping wine, spotting Highland cows, and hunting for Nessie. Packed with castle strolls, underground tours, secret gardens, and plenty of sarcasm, this sidebar is the perfect post-trip debrief to listen to with a friend.  

CASE 0507: Play It Again, Mr. Zebra Man

DEFENDANT: Tori Amos

EVIDENCE: Cloud Watcher California Red Blend

SCENE OF THE CRIME: "The Finest Vineyards in California" 

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Hey friend — welcome to the chaos: we opened a grocery-store red called Cloud Watcher (hello, green-pepper nose and dark-plum cocoa vibes), wrestled over a billion points in Corrections Corner, and brought our dog Hermes along to supervise. We sip, we sigh, and we trade childhood-cloud stories while debating whether cloud-watching is relaxing or suspiciously boring. 

 

Then things get deliciously melodic because our “defendant” today is Tori Amos. We peel back her origin story — piano prodigy at Peabody, early L.A. band experiments, exile to the UK, and the piano-driven masterpiece Little Earthquakes — and run through highlights from Choirgirl Hotel to Boys for Pele, Night of Hunters and beyond. There’s talk of kazoo deep cuts, mood rings, curly hair aesthetics, and why Tori’s lyrics made us fall in love with poetry all over again.

 

Of course we couldn’t resist a game: a twelve-question cross-examination where we read lyrics and guessed whether they were Tori or Not-Tori. There were surprises (Fiona Apple, Tracy Chapman, The Cranberries), triumphant wins, a couple of tequila—I mean wine—sips for wrong answers, and a lot of nostalgic 90s energy. You’ll hear about favorite songs (Crucify gets a special shout), concert memories, and how husband, Fact Checker and our little group fit into the Tori fandom saga.

 

Gossip alert: we dive into the messy 90s drama — Trent Reznor, Courtney Love, and the career fallout that left some fans scribbling love and hate in equal measure. We don’t shy away from the heavy stuff either: there’s a frank moment about trauma, loss, and how those themes weave through Tori’s music.

 

Between parenthetical jokes about Publix ads, soup-watching disasters, and a recurring helicopter/hematite-cloud dream, this episode is equal parts nerdy music-nerd history and cozy chat over a $10 bottle that punches way above its price. We also bouquet in a little wanderlust — Cornwall homes, haunted castles, and the dream of living like older, well-rested rich people with perfect towels and fireplaces in every room.

 

So pour a glass, settle in, and listen for the lyric-guessing triumphs, the wardrobe nostalgia (yep, we reunited with our high-school T-shirts), and the way Tori’s songs keep looping back into our weird little lives. If you’re a Tori obsessive, an accidental listener, or just here to find out whether that wine is worth a splurge — welcome, you’re home.

Sidebar Ep. 129: Witchery & Walks: Our Scotland Honeymoon, Curated by Topher

Hey friend — grab a cup of something warm because this episode is basically a cozy love letter to Scotland and the chaos of planning the perfect honeymoon. I’m getting married (yes, Mrs. Fiance—probably?), and Topher — now a travel advisor extraordinaire — planned our whole week in Edinburgh as a wedding gift. He went full curator mode, balancing our must-dos (spooky tunnels? yes please) and the slow, wandering days we actually want to enjoy.

We talk about staying put in Edinburgh as our base, skipping the long car treks and islands that would eat half our trip, and instead taking smart day trips and local tours. There’s a historical scavenger-hunt app to help us get our bearings without being rushed, haunted tours that end in dungeons (adults only, thank goodness), and a smidge of golf-related comedy because apparently my honeymoon could’ve been miniature-golf therapy for life choices.

Topher’s approach was so thoughtful — he curated the trip around what we genuinely love: walking the city in cardigans, foggy seaside vibes, and spooky stories. He also navigated budget realities (hello, Witchery hotel dreams) and found us a stunning hotel with a VIP upgrade instead of blowing the budget on one ultra-expensive night. Smart, practical, and still romantic.

We kept things intentionally unbooked in spots so we can stumble into our own moments, which is my favorite part about travel. It’s the best of both worlds: planned highlights (fairy-highland tour, haunted tunnels) plus lazy pub stops and wandering lanes we’ll want to return to. Also: planning a trip with a travel advisor really changes the game — it felt customized in the best way.

So come along as we gush about nostalgia, Scotland, and all the tiny decisions that make a honeymoon feel like a memory-in-progress. And if you ever need a travel nudge (or a good excuse to avoid driving abroad), Topher’s got you — maybe he’ll get you a VIP upgrade too.

CASE 0507: "Raymond Raymond Raymond!"

DEFENDANT: Everybody Loves Raymond

EVIDENCE: Raymond Cellars Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon 

SCENE OF THE CRIME: Long Island

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Hey friend — grab a glass and get comfy. In this episode of True Crimes Against Wine we swap the usual table wine for a lush, decanted Raymond Sellers Cabernet Sauvignon (yes, the reserve — velvety label, 14.5% sass included) and spend the episode pairing big-flavor wine notes with bigger TV drama: the sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond. We talk vineyard history (Napa’s underdog moment and the Bottle Shock story), decanting tips, and the gorgeous, peppery, black-cherry notes of this super-balanced Cab that the hosts absolutely adore.

Then the banter turns to the Barone family: the show’s charm, its most cringe-worthy tropes (the “incompetent husband” bit and how sitcom conventions can sneak into real life), and the cast’s standout performances — from Marie’s manipulative, loving energy to Frank’s grumpy heart and Robert’s deadpan magic. Expect hot takes on Patricia Heaton’s real-life politics, behind-the-scenes casting quirks, and hilarious anecdotes about auditions, auditions-day moods, and even celebrity soap-opera moments (yes, there’s an SVU crossover mention).

We laugh, we judge, we get nostalgic about laugh tracks and sitcom dinners (IHOP, anyone?), and ultimately try to render a verdict: is Everybody Loves Raymond guilty of reinforcing tired gender tropes, or just a cozy, flawed classic? Pour yourself something good and listen in — we’ll make you feel like you’re on the couch with us, wine in hand, ready to gossip.

Sidebar Ep. 128: Soup & Sips: Cozy Wine Pairings for Every Bowl

Hey! If we're being honest, soup season is basically the best season — cozy sweaters, warm bowls, and yes, perfectly paired wine. I had so much fun chatting through these with Topher and dreaming up combos that actually make the soup sing (and sometimes calm the heat from sriracha). Here are the highlights, like I’m telling you over a bowl on my kitchen counter.Chili: Go fuller-bodied. Think an Argentinian or Chilean Malbec — it’s got that smoky, peppery vibe and enough fruit to stand up to tomato tang, meatiness, and bean earthiness. Imagine cornbread, chili, and a glug of Malbec — chef’s kiss.Pho: Versatile depending on how you dress it, but a slightly off-dry Gewürztraminer is brilliant if you load it up with heat (it tames spice). If you’re keeping it clean and herb-forward, a crisp rosé is unexpectedly perfect — light, refreshing, and matches the broth without overpowering the basil and cilantro.Bread-bowl French Onion: Rich, savory, and cheesy — you want something that complements without crushing it. An Oregon Pinot Noir with bright red fruit and savory undernotes is a lovely match; it’s lush but not heavy, so the soup’s sweetness and the bread bowl’s heft stay balanced.Campbell’s Chicken Noodle (comfort sick-day vibes): Skip the wine and try a hot toddy — warming whiskey, honey, lemon, maybe hot apple cider and a cinnamon stick. It feels medicinal in the best, coziest way and is exactly the kind of thing you’ll want with nostalgic, soothing soup.Mediterranean Lemon Chicken with Orzo: I love a regional match — Xinomavro (red) if you’re leaning earthy/complex, or Assyrtiko (white) for bright lemon zest, sea-spray salinity, and minerality that plays so well with lemon-and-orzo broths. Full disclosure: I also poured in a couple cups of boxed Sauvignon Blanc while winging the recipe, and honestly — it works. Cook with your heart.Loaded Baked Potato Soup: A lightly oaked Chardonnay — think subtle creaminess, not buttery overload (look for lighter malolactic influence or a Montrachet-style restraint). It mirrors the soup’s richness without turning it into a dairy duel.Okay, I’m starving now — tell me your go-to soup and I’ll tell you what I’d pour. Slurp it up, friend.

CASE 0506: Hey! Listen!

DEFENDANT: The Hero of Time

EVIDENCE: Siren Song Merlot/Syrah blend

SCENE OF THE CRIME: Hyrule

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Hey friend — pop a cork and get comfy. In this episode of True Crime Against Wine we pivoted (blame the internet and a mis-shipped bottle) and ended up sipping a lush Merlot-Syrah blend from Siren Song while getting delightfully nerdy about The Legend of Zelda. Expect giggles, throwback gaming stories, and super honest wine notes — think plush blackberries, juicy plum, and a grown-up juice-box vibe that’s dangerously drinkable.

We dive into Zelda’s origins (shoutout to Miyamoto and Tezuka), reminisce about Ocarina of Time demos at the mall, and debate favorite entries like Wind Waker and Breath of the Wild. There’s talk about iconic villains (Ganon, of course), the weirdly existential Link’s Awakening plot, cult-fave enemies (stalfos!), and why Link’s silent-hero design is pure genius for player immersion. Also: a brief side-eye at 900-number culture, a few messy sibling stories, and absolutely too many sips of wine. If you’re into cozy chats about wine, gaming lore, and dumb personal anecdotes, this one’s for you. Cheers — it’s dangerous to go alone, so bring a friend (and maybe another bottle).

People's Court Ep. 03: Pregnant Sister vs. Back-Pain Boyfriend: Who Gets the Bed?

Hey friend — here’s the messy little episode: you’re living in a one-bedroom with a partner who does construction and gets terrible back pain, and your seven-month pregnant sister shows up after a big fight with her husband asking to crash and sleep in your bed. Your boyfriend said he couldn’t give it up, you apologized to avoid a fight, and later you found your sister crying in the bathroom. Cue Mom calling and being furious. Ugh.

 

I totally see both sides: your sister is emotional, pregnant, and needed space, and that’s precious, but your partner’s need for real sleep because of his physical job is also a legit, health-related boundary. This isn’t just about feelings — it’s about a shared home and agreed-upon boundaries, plus the practical reality of one real bed and a couch that’s not ideal every night.

 

If it were me, I’d start by asking how serious the fight was — if your sister left because she felt unsafe, give her the bed and your full support. If it was a heated argument and she just needed space, a one-night compromise (you on the couch, sister and partner in bed) or a clear, empathetic conversation about limits is reasonable. Neither kindness nor boundaries have to cancel each other out.

CASE 0505: Pass the Peas, Please

DEFENDANT: Pazuzu

EVIDENCE: Manos Special Edition "The Exorcist" Cabernet Sauvignon

SCENE OF THE CRIME: Hell, or a staircase near you... 

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Hey friend — welcome to our spooky season send-off. We cracked a bottle of Manos Cabernet, sunk into the couch, and dove headfirst into The Exorcist: the movie, the poster, the Pazuzu lore and all the deliciously grim behind-the-scenes gossip. Expect laughter, wine-fueled tangents, and the kind of true-crime sidetracks that only two slightly lubricated hosts can provide.

We unpack why that iconic image of Father Merrin under the lamplight still freaks us out (Magritte vibes included), how the film shaped the possession subgenre, and why Linda Blair and Ellen Burstyn left their mark on horror history. We talk casting choices that almost were (Marlon Brando, Audrey Hepburn?), the haunting performance choices, and how Pazuzu went from ancient Mesopotamia to Hollywood’s demon of choice.

Of course we get into the messy, human side: on-set injuries, practical effects (the real vomit/peanut-soup moment), Mercedes McCambridge’s voicework, and William Friedkin’s famously brutal directing methods. Plus the awkward modern problems — streaming paywalls, holiday theater lines, and whether you should ever feed Necco wafers to road-trip company.

Sprinkled between film history are the personal stories: first-time screenings, dating decisions made at horror films, and the ridiculous pop-culture riffs that happen when you mix wine with movie analysis. If you love spooky, culty cinema, or just want a cozy chat about why The Exorcist still matters (and why Pazuzu might actually be misunderstood), this episode is for you.

Give it a listen, tell us your favorite spooky bottle art, and rank our mini-series with us — we want to know which movie haunted you the most. Cheers (and maybe don’t say Pazuzu in a mirror)!

Sidebar Ep. 127: Spooky Season Essentials: From Hannibal to Hocus Pocus

Join us for a laid-back sidebar of True Crimes Against Wine where we dive into our favorite spooky season picks — from psychological dread to nostalgic childhood classics. We trade top-three lists, debate Hocus Pocus ownership (sorry, Topher), and discover surprising picks like Arsenic and Old Lace, Over the Garden Wall, and Trick 'r Treat. Expect cozy black-and-white vibes, campy anthology thrills, and sweet traditions like midnight margaritas and seasonal movie nights. If you love autumnal atmosphere, classic scares, or feel-good witchy rom-coms, this chat has something to add to your watchlist. Pop some popcorn, put on a sweater, and come hang with us for movie recs and cozy fall chat.