True Crimes Against Wine

People's Court Ep.05: Furry Fiasco

Hey — this episode unpacks a vacation that went horribly wrong: a 37-year-old narrator brings her partner, toddler and a 16-year-old dog to visit her parents, who are openly hostile to the aging pup. They repeatedly put the dog outside, dump its water, and make cruel comments about putting her down.

 

The partner withdraws and spends time apart to protect the dog and avoid blowing up, while the narrator freezes because she's conflict-averse and has a fraught relationship with her dad. After they get back, family gossip paints the partner as rude, and the narrator is left asking who the biggest asshole really is.

 

We cut right to it: the parents are the main problem. Depriving an elderly, anxious dog of water and comfort is cruel, and their passive-aggressive escalation — plus the mom's cruel comments — crossed basic lines. The partner's quiet protection felt reasonable, not disrespectful.

 

If you were my friend, here’s the real talk: set boundaries. If your parents can’t treat your dog and your family with basic respect, don’t keep subjecting your kid, your partner, and your pup to that toxicity. Practical moves: offer to stay in a hotel with the dog, arrange separate visits, or limit holiday time until boundaries are respected.

 

You’re allowed to prioritize your immediate family and the emotional safety of your child and pet. Talk to your partner, consider couples or family therapy to sort the fallout, and don’t feel guilty for protecting your household from repeated mistreatment.

 

We rooted for her to protect her dog and reclaim Christmas — and for anyone listening, be the friend who tells someone they’re allowed to choose kindness and healthy boundaries over obligation.

CASE 0511: F-You Scott Fitzgerald

DEFENDANT: Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald

EVIDENCE: Manos Special Edition Great Gatsby Sauvignon Blanc

SCENE OF THE CRIME: Long Island

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Hey friend — come sit with us for a cozy, messy chat where wine and soup fuel a no-holds-barred re-read of The Great Gatsby. We get personal, a little loopy, and deeply into the weeds about Gatsby’s tragic love, Tom’s grossness, Daisy’s contradictions, and whether Nick was totally in love with his neighbor. Spoiler: feelings are messy and rich people are worse.

Pop a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc, lean back, and let us walk you through art-deco bottles, literary gossip, and cheating scandals — plus a surprisingly earnest defense of hand-painted wine labels. We talk Fitzgerald’s life (and terrible choices), Zelda’s shadow, speculative queer readings, and how the book manages to feel both glamorous and kind of rotten all at once.

No fake facts here (well, maybe a few), lots of laughs, and zero pretension — just two pals getting hungry, distracted by soup, and falling down rabbit holes about vintage covers, terrible men, and whether Gatsby’s mansion was modeled on a castle. Bring snacks, or don’t — we’ll probably eat them anyway. You’re invited, old sport.

Sidebar Ep. 132: Domestic Partnership on the Rocks: A Dust-Up over Dishes

In this episode of True Crimes Against Wine, the hosts dive into a messy roommate-turned-partner dispute about chores. After three years together, a couple split household duties by a rota: feeding three picky cats, handling bills, cleaning litter, doing the washing up, hoovering, and more. Tension explodes when one partner fails to hoover and forgets to put a new toilet roll on the holder. The other partner comes home furious, calling the lapse a betrayal, which leads to name-calling and talk of moving out. The hosts unpack compatibility, expectations around cleanliness, gendered chore dynamics, and whether the couple’s split was inevitable. They tease more stories to come and invite listeners to send in their own juicy disputes.

CASE 0510: New Money, Old Expectations

DEFENDANT: Gilded Age Decadence 

EVIDENCE: Biltmore Estate Reserve Chenin Blanc 

SCENE OF THE CRIME: The Biltmore Estate, Asheville, NC

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Hey friend — welcome back to True Crimes Against Wine for our first full episode of 2026! We’re sipping a slightly off-dry Chenin Blanc (surprise: from Biltmore in North Carolina), chatting about how it tastes like walking through a crisp apple orchard, debating whether monkeys belong at high-society parties, and diving headfirst into the Gilded Age — Mansions, dollar princesses, scandalous debutante balls, and the Vanderbilts’ iconic Biltmore Estate. We pair tasting notes (pear, honey, kiwi, and a lovely balancing acidity) with wild historical tangents, food pairing dreams (shishitos, spicy sausage, melon & prosciutto), and way too many fantasies about being wealthy eccentrics. If you love wine stories, architectural daydreams, and irreverent history deep dives, join us for laughs, snacks, and one judge-y quiz. Tell us your snack, your Biltmore memories, and whether you’d host a monkey at your next party. Cheers! 

 

 

 

Sidebar Ep. 131: New Year, New Vintages, New Scandals

When wine is on trial, the gossip is dishy, the judges are drunk, the verdicts are random — welcome to True Crimes Against Wine and our first sidebar of 2026! Happy New Year, friend! We kicked off the episode riffing about nostalgia, then dove headfirst into what actually matters: what the next year (and beyond) looks like for wine.

Quick take: climate shifts are pushing vineyards north and uphill, which means you’ll be tasting wines with brighter acidity instead of the old-school fruit bombs and heavy oak. Expect to see more accessible, interesting bottles from South America, New Zealand and Australia pop up in your grocery store — tariffs and global economics make Europe trickier right now. Small domestic winemakers are likely to adapt by offering more reserve and niche wines to protect margins, which could change what becomes mainstream over time.

Heads-up: this stuff isn’t instant. Replanting vines and aging wines takes years — sometimes close to a decade for certain styles — so producers are making high-stakes bets on harvest timing and vintage quality. I’ve got so much respect for the family-run wineries putting in the sweat equity. As a drinker, that uncertainty is part of the romance; as someone running the farm, I’d be a Walmart greeter in a heartbeat.

Also, watch for celebrity collabs — fewer hands-on wine barons, more low-risk partnerships that boost publicity. And yes, tequila keeps rising (margarita season, anyone?), so expect more spirits episodes and celeb bottles to show up fast. If you spot any fun celeb wines or weird regional gems, send them our way — we can’t find everything alone.

We’re always sourcing stuff and would love your tips. Reach out at truecrimesagainstwine@gmail.com and find us on TikTok and Instagram — we might send swag. Cheers to 2026: drink a lot, survive, and let’s see what the year pours for us. Bye for now.

People's Court Ep.04: Bride vs. Bridesmaid: One-Inch Hoops, Major Family Meltdown

Hey friend — welcome to our latest People’s Court episode where we dive into an Am I the Asshole post about a 19-year-old bridesmaid who finally got her ears pierced and wore one-inch silver hoops to her sister’s wedding, only to be called "trashy" and accused of disrespecting the bride. Spoiler: we’re not surprised by how wild this got.

We walk through why that reaction felt wildly over the top — the bridesmaid is an adult making a small, tasteful choice, and calling your sibling trashy at your wedding? Cold. We compare it to the exact opposite energy of chill brides who gift matching earrings and set clear, reasonable boundaries, and we laugh (a little cruelly) about how dramatic family weddings can be.

Have your own juicy wedding drama? The uncle who threw up, the brother-in-law who got handsy, or the cousin who caused a scene — we want to hear it. Send us your stories at truecrimesagainstwine@gmail.com or find us on TikTok and Instagram — we’ll read the best ones on the show and might even send you some swag.

Pour a drink, settle in, and let’s judge some people together — because honestly, it’s way more fun from the guest table.

CASE 0508: Happy Holidays! Hope You Find Your Dad!

DEFENDANT: Buddy the Elf

EVIDENCE: Manos Wines Special Edition "Elf" Prosecco

SCENE OF THE CRIME: From the North Pole all the way to Manhattan and back again! 

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Hey — glad you made it to our cozy chaos. This episode is basically two things: a heavy pour of festive Prosecco (shoutout to the blingy Manos bottle) and a full-on, goofy love letter to Elf — plus the ridiculous trivia and fan theories that make holiday movies feel like family. We talk traditions, awkward childhood rituals, terrible gift-control impulses, and why some of our favorite seasonal things still hit like warm nostalgia.

 

We nerd out about Elf like it’s evidence in a case: Jon Favreau’s direction, Will Ferrell’s enormous golden-retriever energy, Zooey Deschanel’s surprise musical cameo, James Caan’s grumpy-dad groove, and even that weird Central Park ranger theory that adds a darker layer if you let it. There are shower scenes, department store mayhem, real-life crowd reactions caught on film, and a few production easter eggs (Wanda name tags and stop-motion nods) that are delightfully silly.

 

Also: yes, we taste the Prosecco. It’s festive, metallic, and exactly what you want for toasts — light, apple-y, and not too sweet. We compare it to champagne, Cava, and whatever else you line up on a party table while you argue whether donut holes count as zero calories and whether sparkling wine and popcorn are an acceptable holiday combo. (They are.)

 

We get real about the season, too. If you’re feeling pressure to show up for people who drain you, hear us: you don’t have to. Treat holiday plans like a dinner party you actually want to attend. Set boundaries, keep what’s meaningful, and let the rest go. If all else fails, borrow Buddy the Elf’s wide-eyed wonder for a few minutes — it’s the best kind of permission slip to feel joy again.

 

So pour yourself something fizzy, fold a little ridiculousness into your traditions, and enjoy the stories — goofy, tender, and truer than you might expect. From our cramped, sparkly loft to wherever you’re nesting this season: happy holidays, however you celebrate. Cheers.

Sidebar Ep.130: Honeymoon Hiccups & Highland Magic

Join Judge Rachel and Topher as they relive a delightfully chaotic honeymoon in Edinburgh — from a misbooked Highlands tour that turned into an unexpected adventure, to candlelit luxury at The Witchery and a surprise Muppet Christmas Carol live orchestra. This episode is full of humor, heartfelt moments, and travel mishaps (yes, a bus mix-up that might have saved their lives). If you love stories about how travel plans go sideways and still manage to become the best memories, you'll feel like you're right there with them sipping wine, spotting Highland cows, and hunting for Nessie. Packed with castle strolls, underground tours, secret gardens, and plenty of sarcasm, this sidebar is the perfect post-trip debrief to listen to with a friend.  

CASE 0507: Play It Again, Mr. Zebra Man

DEFENDANT: Tori Amos

EVIDENCE: Cloud Watcher California Red Blend

SCENE OF THE CRIME: "The Finest Vineyards in California" 

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Hey friend — welcome to the chaos: we opened a grocery-store red called Cloud Watcher (hello, green-pepper nose and dark-plum cocoa vibes), wrestled over a billion points in Corrections Corner, and brought our dog Hermes along to supervise. We sip, we sigh, and we trade childhood-cloud stories while debating whether cloud-watching is relaxing or suspiciously boring. 

 

Then things get deliciously melodic because our “defendant” today is Tori Amos. We peel back her origin story — piano prodigy at Peabody, early L.A. band experiments, exile to the UK, and the piano-driven masterpiece Little Earthquakes — and run through highlights from Choirgirl Hotel to Boys for Pele, Night of Hunters and beyond. There’s talk of kazoo deep cuts, mood rings, curly hair aesthetics, and why Tori’s lyrics made us fall in love with poetry all over again.

 

Of course we couldn’t resist a game: a twelve-question cross-examination where we read lyrics and guessed whether they were Tori or Not-Tori. There were surprises (Fiona Apple, Tracy Chapman, The Cranberries), triumphant wins, a couple of tequila—I mean wine—sips for wrong answers, and a lot of nostalgic 90s energy. You’ll hear about favorite songs (Crucify gets a special shout), concert memories, and how husband, Fact Checker and our little group fit into the Tori fandom saga.

 

Gossip alert: we dive into the messy 90s drama — Trent Reznor, Courtney Love, and the career fallout that left some fans scribbling love and hate in equal measure. We don’t shy away from the heavy stuff either: there’s a frank moment about trauma, loss, and how those themes weave through Tori’s music.

 

Between parenthetical jokes about Publix ads, soup-watching disasters, and a recurring helicopter/hematite-cloud dream, this episode is equal parts nerdy music-nerd history and cozy chat over a $10 bottle that punches way above its price. We also bouquet in a little wanderlust — Cornwall homes, haunted castles, and the dream of living like older, well-rested rich people with perfect towels and fireplaces in every room.

 

So pour a glass, settle in, and listen for the lyric-guessing triumphs, the wardrobe nostalgia (yep, we reunited with our high-school T-shirts), and the way Tori’s songs keep looping back into our weird little lives. If you’re a Tori obsessive, an accidental listener, or just here to find out whether that wine is worth a splurge — welcome, you’re home.

Sidebar Ep. 129: Witchery & Walks: Our Scotland Honeymoon, Curated by Topher

Hey friend — grab a cup of something warm because this episode is basically a cozy love letter to Scotland and the chaos of planning the perfect honeymoon. I’m getting married (yes, Mrs. Fiance—probably?), and Topher — now a travel advisor extraordinaire — planned our whole week in Edinburgh as a wedding gift. He went full curator mode, balancing our must-dos (spooky tunnels? yes please) and the slow, wandering days we actually want to enjoy.

We talk about staying put in Edinburgh as our base, skipping the long car treks and islands that would eat half our trip, and instead taking smart day trips and local tours. There’s a historical scavenger-hunt app to help us get our bearings without being rushed, haunted tours that end in dungeons (adults only, thank goodness), and a smidge of golf-related comedy because apparently my honeymoon could’ve been miniature-golf therapy for life choices.

Topher’s approach was so thoughtful — he curated the trip around what we genuinely love: walking the city in cardigans, foggy seaside vibes, and spooky stories. He also navigated budget realities (hello, Witchery hotel dreams) and found us a stunning hotel with a VIP upgrade instead of blowing the budget on one ultra-expensive night. Smart, practical, and still romantic.

We kept things intentionally unbooked in spots so we can stumble into our own moments, which is my favorite part about travel. It’s the best of both worlds: planned highlights (fairy-highland tour, haunted tunnels) plus lazy pub stops and wandering lanes we’ll want to return to. Also: planning a trip with a travel advisor really changes the game — it felt customized in the best way.

So come along as we gush about nostalgia, Scotland, and all the tiny decisions that make a honeymoon feel like a memory-in-progress. And if you ever need a travel nudge (or a good excuse to avoid driving abroad), Topher’s got you — maybe he’ll get you a VIP upgrade too.